It’s All Fun and Games
by Stargate Fan
Summary: Part five of The Survivor's series. DV pairing. This has some mature material in it so be cautioned.


**It's All Fun and Games Until an Archaeologist Breaks a Pottery Shard!**

Author's note: He didn't really, but read on...

It was just one of those days where nothing seemed to go right. Daniel had worked all day on a translation from a pottery shard off M56-6719 and had finally cracked the code, only to find it was an inventory from an ancient grocery store. It was not the most exciting find and he'd put in hours and hours of tedious cross referencing. He was tired and ready to go home.

Sam had been in her lab all day, trying to refab a naquadria generator so that it wouldn't explode. She'd gone around and around with the specs and just couldn't come up with a working model that wouldn't maim anyone trying to test it.

Teal'c was totally frustrated with the new class of recruits. They were all trying to do their best in the gym to keep up with his demands but they were failing miserably. He'd shown them hand-to-hand combat maneuvers that they should have mastered days before, but they were coming up lacking.

Cameron was patiently waiting to test fly the new F305 but the mechanics were having trouble getting the engines to fit into the fuselage. He paced and paced enough that now they were all nervous whenever he showed up. He was trying to be patient but it was very difficult.

At the end of the day, they had all agreed to meet at O'Malley's for dinner and one by one, the table filled. Daniel and Vala were the first to arrive so they ordered two snack samplers in anticipation that everyone would be hungry. Teal'c was the next to arrive and Sam and Cam rode together so they showed up at the same time. Jack was in town and arrived last.

They spent the next fifteen minutes munching on fried cheese sticks and buffalo wings, each one regaling the others about what a rotten day they'd had. It was so nice to take a good break, get together with friends for dinner and unwind.

As soon as dinner was finished, a delivery man from UPS walked up to their table and announced that they each had packages and would they sign for them.

Sam asked, "Why are you delivering them here instead of our homes?

"The person who ordered them wanted it this way. I guess he knew you'd all be together tonight." They all signed and he left their boxes.

Each person had a confused look on his or her face. They looked at each other and then Jack shrugged and opened his first. Inside was a box of "Male Enhancement" pills. A whole gross of them, to be exact.

"What's going on here? Is this somebody's idea of funny?" He looked truly upset and slammed the top of the box closed.

Vala said, "I don't understand. What was that, Daniel?"

Daniel blushed and turned to whisper in her ear. Then he sat back and looked at her. "Do you understand?"

"I do. Jack, I didn't know you had erectile dysfunction!" She said it loud enough that most of the tables around them became suddenly quiet.

"I don't!" Jack shouted to his friends but then realized that all the patrons at the tables in the immediate area had heard the conversation. If looks could kill, Vala would be dead.

Daniel started laughing and soon the whole table was, too. Some of the diners were laughing as well and Jack realized how it all sounded and he started laughing as well.

Cam was laughing so hard he had to use the cloth napkin to wipe his eyes. "You should have seen your face! I wish I'd had a camera!"

"Did you send that to me?" Jack looked totally confused and could not, for the life of him, see why Cam would, but Cam was laughing so hard, it made him wonder. After all, Cam had made the reservations. He would have known they were all going to be there.

"No, Sir, not me. General Landry told us a while back to stop all the practical jokes and I'm not about to go against his orders."

Next, Teal'c opened his box, to find a tutu and a certificate for classes in ballet.

He raised one eyebrow, as he was known to do, and said, "I do not understand."

Everyone at the table burst out laughing.

"If you manage to get that thing on, I want a picture, T," Jack said.

"I do not find this amusing." Teal'c stuffed the tutu back into the box and shoved it under the table.

Sam opened her box. It was from "Fredericks of Hollywood," and contained about a half dozen panties.

"Who would send me panties?" She held up one and noticed that they were of various colors and were crotchless. She turned bright red and slammed the box shut. "I don't know who did this, but when I find out, they're dead!"

Vala reached over and lifted the lid. "They're pretty, Sam. If you don't want them, can I have them?"

"Vala, do you know what those are?" Sam looked incredulous!

"Yes," Vala said, "and I can use them!"

Daniel started to choke on his beer while the whole table started laughing. Cam slapped him on the back a few times and for once, Daniel was speechless!

"Vala, would you just shut up, for once?" Daniel was so embarrassed at the implication of what Vala had just said, that he could barely look anyone in the eyes.

"Daniel, I never knew you liked women to wear those kind of things."

"Jack, quit it right now or I'll leave."

"Spoiled sport!"

"Cretin."

"Space Monkey."

"Hermaphrodite."

"Moron."

"Toxicogenic Xanthippe!"

"What?"

"You heard me!"

Everyone at the table seemed to be watching a tennis match, heads turning back and forth.

"Oh yeah? Well, that's not fair. You use a word I have to look up!"

"It's two words, Jack, and I have a dictionary in my lab, so help yourself!"

"Guys! Come on. Settle down." Sam was afraid they were drawing a crowd and would get thrown out of O'Malley's again.

Daniel yelled, "He started it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

Sam slapped the table with her hands. "STOP! You're both acting like teenagers!"

"Thanks Sam. That's the best compliment I've had in a long time," Jack said as he reached for his beer bottle.

Daniel sat across the table from him and started giggling. "Okay, Sam. I will if he will."

"Daniel, enough. I think you've had too much beer."

"Yes, mom."

Sam just rolled her eyes and sent up a silent prayer for patience.

Jack said, "Cam, what did you get?"

"I'm almost afraid to look. Let me see." Inside was a box that said, "Inflatable Woman." He slammed the top down and held his arms over it.

"What is it?" Daniel reached over to open the lid and Cam pushed his hands away.

"Aww come on. We all had to show ours," Sam said.

Cam sat back with a red face and let Daniel turn back the lid.

Daniel looked inside and then grinned. "I guess it's for when you get lonely." He held up the box and everyone around the table read it and started laughing.

"Okay, Vala, it's your turn," Sam said.

Vala opened her box to find a book called, "The Idiot's Guide to the Galaxy." She leafed through it and then declared, "Whoever sent it to me must think I'm stupid!"

Jack asked, "Daniel, what did you get?"

"I didn't get one."

"What?"

"I said I didn't get one. I don't know why, but I was left out."

"That's not fair!" Cam said. "We've all had our turn at humiliation but you are left out. You did this, didn't you?" Cam was really getting angry.

"No, I didn't do this. I have no idea why you got those things. Really! I don't!"

Everyone at the table seemed to be angry at him.

"Honest! It wasn't me!" But, the more Daniel tried to deny it, the more the others were convinced that he wasn't telling the truth.

Jack said, "If you say so, Daniel. Well, I gotta get back to the base. I have a flight out first thing in the morning and I still have some things to talk to Landry about." He got up and grabbed his coat from the hook on the wall and said his goodbyes.

The others all left, with the exception of Daniel and Vala. He sat quietly and wondered why he was being picked on. He really hadn't sent his friends those things.

Vala said, "Really Daniel. Did you do this?"

"For the last time, NO! Do you really think I would?"

"No, but they all do. If you didn't, who did?"

"I don't know but I'm gonna try to find out." They left the restaurant and headed for home.

000

The next day, Sam got to work and started on a new project. She was all excited about it and knew she had to get this one just right. She'd thought about the prank at the restaurant all night, fuming at Daniel for the trick he'd played on them all. She would get even and he would regret it. She laid awake for quite a while before an idea came to her. Now she just had to put the device together.

Teal'c and Cam came into her lab later that morning to see if she wanted to go to lunch with them.

Sam asked "Will Daniel be there?"

Cam said, "No, he's holed up in his office with the door locked. I shouted for him to come out but he said he had a lot of work to do and brought a lunch from home. Vala's at home waiting for the vet. Tut got into something that made him sick. Poor dog."

"So, he's alone in there?" Sam looked from Teal'c to Cam.

"Indeed, he is. May I inquire as to why you ask?"

"Come on. I'll tell you over lunch."

000

"Are you sure this will work, Sam? I mean… it seems kinda tricky."

"I'm sure it'll work, Cam. I checked the frequency on the house and it matches perfectly. Tomorrow is Saturday so we can pull this off while he's at home."

"I will be eager to see Daniel Jackson's reaction to this prank," Teal'c said as he smiled.

"Meet me at my house tomorrow morning at 0830," Sam said as they all headed for their cars.

000

They met at Sam's house, as planned, and Teal'c drove his SUV to the road leading to Daniel's house and parked behind some bushes. They each got out their binoculars and settled in to watch the house. Sam reached for her cell phone and dialed Daniel's number.

"Hello," Daniel answered.

"Daniel, we have an emergency at the base and we need you to come in."

"What happened, Sam. Is anyone hurt?"

"No, nobody got hurt, but the book case in your lab fell over and the artifacts on the shelves were smashed. You should get here right away before the cleaning lady sweeps it all up and throws it away."

"Oh no! How in the world…? Never mind, I'll be right there!"

Sam hung up and said, "Ten seconds…"

They saw Daniel's garage door open and saw the back of Daniel's Jeep start to move in reverse. Sam hit a button and the door started back down the track. She started to laugh as she watched Daniel hit the brakes and move forward. She pushed the button again and the door went up. He started to back out and the door started down again. This happened four times before they saw Daniel get out of his Jeep and went to the control panel on the garage wall. The door was up and they laughed uproariously as he stood there scratching his head, obviously trying to figure out what was wrong.

He got out his cell phone and soon Sam's phone rang. The caller ID said it was him.

"Hello, Daniel. Are you on your way yet?"

"No, Sam. I have a problem. My garage door is messed up and I can't get my Jeep out."

"Did you try the other doors? Maybe you can use your truck."

"Why didn't I think of that! Sorry for bothering you. I'll be there soon." With that, he hung up and they watched as he hit the manual button and closed the door in front of his Jeep. A few seconds later, they saw the garage door open in front of his Ford F-350 and as this one was backed in, they saw his headlights as he pulled forward. He only moved a few inches when Sam hit another button and the garage door closed. In a few seconds, it went back up and Sam hit the button again and the door went down.

Soon, they saw Daniel run outside the man door on the side of the garage and jump up and down in circles! He took his keys and threw them on the ground and started stomping on them.

"Man! You can almost hear him swearing from here!" Cam was grinning from ear to ear. "I didn't know he had that kinda temper!"

Sam was laughing as she looked over at Cam. "He deserves it. That was so embarrassing, the other night. I don't think he'll ever pull a prank like that again."

"Colonel Carter, I believe there is a problem!" Teal'c seemed upset so Sam looked back into her binoculars.

"Oh no! What happened?"

Daniel was laying on the ground, holding onto his ankle.

Teal'c started the engine and they hurried down the lane to the house. They pulled up in time to see that Daniel was frantically trying to get up but couldn't manage it. When he saw them get out of the SUV, he looked very confused.

"Sam, what are you doing here? I thought you were at the base!"

"I'll explain later," Sam said as she bent down to look at Daniel's leg. "I think you broke it. We'd better get you to the infirmary and have Caroline take a look at it. Where's Vala?"

"Captain Perkins picked her up and they went out for breakfast. They were going to go shopping after that. What's going on?"

They ignored his question and helped him into the vehicle and took off down the road. "I don't understand! What just happened?" Daniel looked at Sam and she had a sheepish look on her face.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. This is all my fault. I built a device yesterday that would open and close your garage doors and I called and made up the story about your artifacts being destroyed. We were just down the road watching the house. I was just trying to pay you back for the pranks night before last. We thought it would be funny."

Daniel looked hurt and not just because of his ankle. "I told you I didn't do those pranks. You didn't believe me and look what happened?"

They were all quiet as they continued on their way to the base. The airman at the guard shack seemed surprised to see them and waved them through when he saw Daniel laying down in the back seat leaning on Sam and his ankle propped up on a pillow. He knew by now how Daniel was prone to accidents so he wasn't very surprised.

Daniel seemed the quiet as he contemplated how his friends hadn't trusted him to tell the truth.

Caroline came out of the treatment room a few minutes later and told them, "He's gone up to radiology for some x-rays. Nurse Perkins should bring him back soon. What happened?"

They told her about the pranks at the restaurant and how they decided to get back at him.

"Are you sure it was him? He's been very quiet," Caroline said.

"I think so, Caroline. He was the only one there who didn't get a package. We were sure it was him."

"I wouldn't bet on it, after this. I think you've gone and done it, Sam. He's a very forgiving guy but I think you went too far."

Sam said, "Can I go in and see him when he gets back?"

"Not right now. I've give him some pain killers and he's gonna be a bit loopy for a few hours. If I find anything on the x-ray, I'll have to put his ankle in a cast. If it's only a sprain, I'll wrap it up and see how he does. If he's okay, I'll send him home at the end of the day. I think somebody else should drive him. Oh, by the way, I think your prank might have backfired. My dad was trying to get out of his driveway this morning and the door came down on top of his car as he was backing out. He was supposed to take General O'Neill to the airport and they couldn't get there in time so General O'Neill missed his flight. And that's not all. I had the news on in my office and it seems that there were garage doors all over the city that were going up and down all by themselves. The reporter had quite a segment about it. I think your device worked TOO well, Sam. My dad is going to be really steamed when he finds out what you did. You might want to consider going AWOL."

"It's not all her fault, Caroline. I was in on it, too," Cam said.

"As was I," Teal'c joined in.

A few minutes later, the speakers squawked and they heard General Landry say, "Colonel Carter to the briefing room, STAT."

"Uh oh. Sam, I'll go with you. I can't let you hang out there all alone."

"As will I, Colonel Carter."

"Thanks, Cam, Teal'c. I appreciate it."

They headed out of the infirmary, certain that their careers were over.

000

On the down side, Sam, Cam and Teal'c were ordered one month's forfeit in pay and Sam was ordered to wait on Daniel, hand and foot.

"Oh Sam, would you fluff my pillows, please?" Daniel was going to milk this for all it was worth. He'd been ordered to stay off his feet for at least two weeks to help heal the torn ligaments in his ankle. He was keeping Sam busy with all kinds of menial tasks just so he could get even. She had apologized profusely and he had graciously accepted her apology, but he still made good use of her guilt.

On the up side, the research teams at Area 51 wanted to see her device to find a practical application for it in the fight against the Ori.

General Landry also decided that Sam would pay him for the damage to his car. The Air Force was forced to disable all the garage doors opener frequencies across the city for three days so the residents of Colorado Springs were only able to open said garage doors manually.

The official report to the media about the cause of the incident was a faulty radio transmitter that was being tested at a base nearby.

Nobody ever found out who was the culprit that did the pranks. But Vala decided that the next time she wanted to try a practical joke, she would make sure Daniel wasn't blamed.

Author's Note: I was listening to the radio and heard an actual news report about garage doors opening and closing in Colorado Springs and the point that the Air Force was being blamed. I told my husband, "I HAVE TO WRITE A STORY ABOUT THIS!"

To read the reports, Google: Colorado Springs, Garage Doors, Air Force. You will find articles there, including ones blaming the Stargate.


End file.
